…catharsis…
Este blog es sobre mí; mis pensamientos y puntos de vista sobre las cosas q me pasan y donde básicamente hago catarsis. Espero que lo disfruten!!

Standing still

 

I feel as though the World around me is in constant movement, rushing to get somewhere. And while everyone is running to and fro, for this or that, I am standing in the middle of the chaos completely still.

 

It seems I’ve reached the high point of my life, the climax if you will, and I just can’t help thinking it could be better….I don’t want to sound ungrateful for all the things I’ve been given, and there’s so much to be grateful for.

 

I’ve been up and down in the roller coaster that is life; so much excitement, so much loss that now that things have settled down I feel something is missing. I got a new job that is challenging and interesting, where I can write all day. I’m studying one of the things I really like and it’s going well even though I have missed quite a few classes in the process of acclimating to my new schedule. I live alone, keep my house clean, can pay all the bills and still have a little extra to give myself a treat or two so….can you guess what’s missing? Do you have an idea of what could be the thing that completes my days? Or should I say who?

 

It appears that I’m in the middle of a Queen song: I need “somebody to love”. I’m not even asking that person to love me back, I just need that queasy feeling that even talking to the one you’re crushing on seems to evoke. And maybe I’m way too picky; maybe I dismiss every available candidate ‘cause I just don’t see that they are there, right in front of me. But whatever the reason, I can’t seem to find it. I can’t find that someone that fills my stomach with butterflies and my heart with that warm tingly feeling. It’s been so long since I liked someone that way, I can barely remember what it’s like and can’t help but envy all those who have it.

 

And I hate myself for being so whiny when things could be soo much worse. I have been worse, I hit rock bottom and painstakingly clawed myself up to the surface to find that life went on without me and I’m missing the bus. So is it too much to ask for? A guy that, if only fleetingly, fills my life with excitement? Or maybe I’m gay and I just haven’t figured it out. The thought of being with another girl doesn’t put me off, but neither does it turn me on, shouldn’t I know who I am by now?

 

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    Standing still | …catharsis…


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